Privacy, shmivacy

Worried too much of your personal information is out there? Cringe when you see your house on Google Earth or your front yard on Google Maps street view? The Onion reports the search giant has a solution for you...


New Google Service Lets Privacy Critics Opt-Out, Relocate To Remote Village

Watch the video a second time and make sure to pay attention to the headlines scrolling across the bottom. Among the highlights:

• Obama to slip universal health care into iTunes user agreement
• Survey: 8 out of 10 Americans want scientists to say beer is healthy
• New product from makers of 'Breath Right' nasal strips can be applied to penis for faster urination
  

How the mighty have fallen

A little help for Big Papi

The Onion has the solution for Big Papi's batting slump:

MLB Adjusts Drug Policy To Allow David Ortiz To Take Steroids

NEW YORK—Major League Baseball commissioner Bud Selig announced a new policy on performance-enhancing substances Wednesday that is expected to help former slugger David Ortiz, currently batting a dismal .203, to come out of his slump and return as a league-leading batter. "We have amended the rules of the game to allow David [Ortiz] to use any performance enhancer he can find, as baseball is pretty boring when he's not hitting home runs," said Selig...

Read the rest here...

Marvel meets 'The Onion'

How would President Obama handle a storyline from the pages of "The Uncanny X-Men?" The Onion has the answer...

Change we can believe in

Thomas has the uncanny ability to find loose change wherever he goes. I swear, every time I take him somewhere he winds up finding money.

So maybe there's a future for him working with the government. Could he be the key to solving the economic meltdown?

Good news from The Onion

I've posted Onion video clips from time to time. But "The Onion Radio News" is always great for quick hit of humor.

And now the good news -- they've finally made their radio segments embedable...

From Gepetto's workshop

What will the "imagineers" at Disney think of next?


Disney Lab Unveils Its Latest Line Of Genetically Engineered Child Stars

Don't mess with McCain

What do you think? Is this a convincing case for John McCain?


McCain Vows To Replace Secret Service With His Own Bare Fists

Coming soon

I know I'm guilty of getting a little too excited over movie trailers (for films I often don't even get to see). Fortunately, the Onion is here to remind us all about the "big picture..."


Wildly Popular 'Iron Man' Trailer To Be Adapted Into Full-Length Film

Good luck charm

Yankees Bury Bernie Williams Under New Stadium For Good Luck

NEW YORK—Citing a need for physical and spiritual cleansing after a Boston Red Sox fan entombed a David Ortiz jersey in the floor of the new facility, the New York Yankees buried former centerfielder Bernie Williams under 4,650 pounds of...

As if anyone really cares

I must admit, this update from The Onion Radio News makes all of us at "Off the Top of My Head" headquarters feel a little silly.

The greatest rivalry in sports?

Yankees To Play Exhibition Game Against The Media

TAMPA, FL—In a spring showdown between two venerable organizations that will battle one another daily during the 2008 regular season, the New York Yankees are scheduled to play a nine-inning game Sunday against their greatest rivals: the...

Courting the fat vote

As Obese Population Rises, More Candidates Courting The Fat Vote

Where are the flying cars?!?

It's the 21st century. Where are the flying cars? I was promised flying cars!


Mean Automakers Dash Nation's Hope For Flying Cars

Just Joshin'

Terry Francona Announces Josh Beckett Will Start Games 1, 4, 7, 2, 6, 3, 5

BOSTON—Boston Red Sox manager Terry Francona announced Tuesday that the Colorado Rockies would receive a healthy dose of pitcher Josh Becket...

Thoughtful Analysis of Decision 2008

Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters

Classic TV?

Nation Suddenly Feels Old After Seeing Nick-At-Nite Lineup

SCHAUMBURG, IL—The American people were thrust into a profound existential crisis Sunday after noticing that nostalgia-programming...

The ire of Red Sox Nation

I saw this on The Onion this morning. It appears to have been written a couple of days ago. It would be even funnier if the Yankees hadn't just dropped their last two games against Baltimore...

Fucking Yankees, Reports Nation

BOSTON—Moments after the New York Yankees continued a month-long stretch that has seen them climb from the bottom of the AL East to pull within a once unfathomable four games of the first-place Red Sox by defeating the Baltimore Orioles...

The Deathly Spoilers

I'm about one-third of the way through "Deathly Hallows," which is why I thought this was funny...

Final Harry Potter Book Blasted For Containing Spoilers

NEW YORK—Harry Potter fans throughout the world were shocked, disappointed, and outraged to learn last week that J.K. Rowling's 750-page...

What would we do without the Net?

Breaking News: All Online Data Lost After Internet Crash